Friday, February 5, 2010

I am thinking I really need some inspiration. Looking at flickr photos. Wow there is a lot of talent out there. No wonder it is hard to make it as a photographer unless you are amazing!!! SO wishing I was. I really want to get my dream camera the Canon EOS 5D Mark 2!! Plus at least one great lens but everything is so expensive....maybe someday. This has been a really hard week. I just feel down in the dumps and not good enough for anything. I feel like I fail everyday with kids and housework..It sucks. so I vent here because nobody really knows about my blog or stops by so I can say anything at this moment..hoping that changes and someday I am somebody...Hummmm how to make that happen. But tonight is date night, just staying home making yummy pasta. Then who knows maybe out for dessert. Trying to put makeup on and find something cute to wear and do my hair. Wishing money grew on trees also, my hubby's b-day, Valentines day. So wanted to do a "pin-up Girl" shot, but all the clothes and shoes are way pricey, so he said no not now maybe later..our anniversary is in June 5 years!!!!!!!! And I need a Mount for my tripod still mad I lost mine. money money money..everything revolves around money. A bigger house, built by my hubby, room to put everything. I am so tired of the pit I live in I pick up and its trashed in 2 minutes so It seems pointless trying to pick up so our date night dinner can at least be romantic..but who knows if that will really happen..?????My oh my time flies by Roc will be 7 weeks on Sunday where did the time go. Maybe its just the baby blues that is why I cry so much and seem to never be happy with anything...I dunno. Trying hard to stay positive and trust God but it is hard!! Hubby is going to build his own house to sell makes me very nervous! I know all will go well if all does I get my camera soon and we get a new house soon how great would that be but how soon is really soon have to make sure it continues to go well and we can pay all the bills...there we ago again with money I wish I were money smart and knew more. My own fear holds me back from trying things my hubby jumps . Well life goes on and someday I will be somebody...Not just this..the mom. I love it don't get me wrong but somedays I feel I need more. I just want to be good at something and succeed. well enough ramblings for the day..Maybe I should rename my blog Ramblings of a girl..LOL

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