Monday, March 29, 2010

Dramatic Black and white

This is my dramatic black and white entry for I heart faces.  I think it looks very  batman..dark and moody!! My little man as the Dark Night.....

Head on over to check out more amazing entries. so much talent!!

Thursday, March 25, 2010

The little ones

They are watching Tv as they  take turns holding Roc.  It melts my heart to know they all love eachother so much. Some days it is entirely smothering, but I know they mean well. They have displayed very little jealousy since he has been born.  I love all my kiddos so much. I am so excited for spring break to be here!! My goal is to get a photo of all my 6 kiddos together. Should be fun.   I will be tryiing very hard to stay off this computer except for very breif moments,  I am going to take advantage of every moment I can spend with them all!!!!  Again I am so blessed. I am the Richest woman in the world to have this babies. Thank you Jesus for trusting me with them!!  I am trying to do the best I can to raise them all in a loving way so they learn to trust you and serve you with all of their hearts. You will lead them down the right paths. Continue Turning me into the wife and Mother you want me to be.  Thank you Jesus. Amen

The sun is shinning!!

Not much to write I am in a hurry to get work done so we can have some more outside time, just a quick moment while I feed the baby..I already spent too much time on Flickr.  Trying to be a good flickr friend is not always easy, I send you all the best Enjoy Spring where ever you are. Take a look at all the beauty around  and remember what a Great God we have!!!

Tuesday, March 23, 2010

3 months old

Where does the time go.  My baby is 3 months old already! I can't believe it. I feel like I blinked and he changed. crazy isn't it.  Wow a mothers heart.  Sometimes i feel so alone. I know that this is an important job staying at home and raising my babies and when faced with working i don't really want to because I never wanted to let others raise my babies.   But in some ways I just feel alone, I really don't have many friends, Flickr  friends are about it. so then I waste my day on the computer when I should be cleaning or enjoying my children. I don't know maybe it is partial baby blues and hormones still I just feel like I am in this fog and life is passing my by.  Even on days my hubby says he will be here it seems stuff comes up now I am lonely and sad wanting to leave the house and do something besides sitting here, but what?  I swear the Quad Cities sucks, Its hard to make friends here especially when youkive in kind of a crappy neighborhood, that is reallyj ust kinda scary. Immediate neighbors are great, but its not the safest place. Luckily we fenced our yard in so the kiddos get to play.    Well enough rambling for now.  THis is the start of my photos for his 3 months more to come next week a little late but kids are on Spring break so I will have my helpers and get all 6 of my babies in a photo!!! Have a great day all.....

Bench Mondays

Thursday, March 18, 2010

More photo Play

Wow This whole blog thing some days makes no since to me,,, my photos are up loading different..Thought i had this figured out, guess not.... wow  even more issues.....

Wednesday, March 17, 2010

Having a day...Feels like Monday

I am having a very bad day. Someone posted a picture of me and oh my Goodness..I am sooo fat. When did this happen. I really need to get serious and loose some weight. It is just one of those weeks. Going on very little sleep, so tired I am just going to crash so i eat more and feel more fat and yicky..Oh how I hate myself right now. I think i really need to buy some fat burning pills maybe try Alli.....I dunno I can't stay this fat goint to the beach in June so I have to just loose weith or I am going to hate the beach I will be wearning Jeans and sweatshirts...OH how I hate me. I so need to figure out how to like me again. I was a size five when I met my hubby now , well lets just say HUGE!!! He says he doesn't care but I really feel like he looks at me with hate and disgust , maybe because I hate me so much .. I dunno. But I do feel he thinks I am know gross so I just hide behind my kids so I don't have to be intimate and face him really being grossed out by me. I sleep on the couch and keep my distance, so he hates me even more, no wonder he works long days and I feel he hates me, oh well I guess if he decides he really hates me he will leave like everyone else....Oh my what have I become. How did I blink and get this fat again...I looked better pregnant than I do now. Wow I hate being me. I really want a better camera a better lens anew house that comes with a maid and nanny so then I would have time for me. I wish I could feel good enough to take Photos for a living, but I feel there are just too many everybody wants to do it, or buys good camereas a does it themselves....I am so lonely all the time, no wonder all I do is eat, I am tired I eat, I am boired I eat, I want something sweet i eat, I hate myself I eat, Does it ever stop?? Does anyone really understand how this feels or am I alone in this. Alone in my depression, Alone in wishing I were enough...Just once I want to be good enough I want to take that amazing photo that gets noticed, I wanna be somebody. I am a mom of six, I think I have olost all of me, I am fading into nothing, but the MOM. THe Fat old mom....Yes I am feeling sorry for me right now, I am sorry I am trying, BUt Where is GOd when It really matters? Is he here? Does he care? How can even God love me? I am the forgotten child the one who really should have died as a baby I wasn't supose to make it why did I? I am nothing...My older kids always want there dad he is perfect he is wonderful he can do nothing wron..then there is me I always screw up there plans I get left for him, there sister from him and his new wife is everything...There brothers seem like nothing..They have to get Bella a present..They have to be at her party but when it is one of The brothers they don't care..Why?? Then They think they have the right to tell me if I can or can not have more why is it ayones business but mine and my hubby's?? I raise them I take care of them I feed them I love them more then anyone knows my heart gets tore out daily because they are my heart and I hate sharing I don't wanna share anymore. I really really want a little girl still . I wanted pink and tuts and now it looks like that will never happen My heart is sad today, for many reasons. Heard a sad true story of a little 2 year old who stuck in a futon, and ended up choking on his own vomit..HOw sad is that??? My heart breaks for the family. I am Thankful for my boys I love them dearly just the girl I have I share and it is hard..Try sharing with a stepmom who take s your only daughter Bra shopping for the first time.... Who takes her to get her eyebrows waxed for the first time...who does her hair..who seems to be the best most awesome personm to my daughter on the planet it is so hard. And the kicker she has her own daughter she will get to do this with, but she still choice to steal away my moments...with MY Princess....Oh what I would do for a little girl I did not have to share...Wow I don't even know where all of this is coming from..I guess I hurt more then I admit to people. I hurt so bad. I know none really reads this so I fugure I am ok to vent here. Maybe someday I will be a somebody. Iwill make money taking photos I will travel I will be happy , but for now thi is my life I will try to life the best I can surving God, I know it seem like in all this I don't but I know God loves me, I know I love him , I know he takes me as I am I know he will raise me up.....I just need to be still and know he is God.Wow I think I fell a little better after all the venting!!!!!

Tuesday, March 16, 2010


Well noone is feeling to hot here so I baked Banana cupcakes with Caramel buttercream frosting. What else to do but then take phots of them so here are a few of them...

Monday, March 15, 2010

Bundled up~ I heart faces challenge

head on over to I heart faces and check out the other amazing entries!

Happy Bench Monday

Hope everyone is having a better monday then me. I am so tired and can barley function. Been up with a sick kiddo who has diarrhea it sucks for him horribly as we are wearing goodnights because he just can't make it to the toliet, poor guy. He hates it.. I think he is starting to loose weight. Might have to make a doctor visit, not sure he even has a doc anymore?? what to do . I am telling you when it rains it pours I really need something good to happen soon I am about to loose my mind. I am stuck in this house and feeling very angry and agitated today. I dunno, but I do love this sweet bubble pic of Roc....

Here is my bench monday shot for the week. It is not what I really wanted, but what i really want to do I need to shop for and I can't leave the house so maybe next week..and I have to have the money...... Happy Bench Monday to all!

Saturday, March 13, 2010

Nursing Sweetness

Not the exact photo i was going for But I still like it.... My little Roc is almost 3 months where did the time go??

Some flower photos

Thursday, March 11, 2010


The word of the week is courage, this is for someone very close to me who has struggled for years with drinking, this week she flipped her car due to drunk driving, I think God finally has her attention, This is for the courage it takes to say no to that drink daily to a struggle that will claim her life if she doesn't win it, so to all my prayers please say a prayer for her and my family as you read this. She is so dear to me she has a son who needs her, a new marriage, a step daughter, so I pray she has the courage every day to say NO to the drink she thinks she loves and needs .

Wednesday, March 10, 2010

More pics and a couple edits for a friend

1st 2 are edits for a friend the rest are mine

Bench Mondays

A little late posting here again , but here is my Bench Monday shot for the week

Friday, March 5, 2010

fix it friday #46

head over to iheart faces for your own try